


And the Photos were Black and White

by xantoki



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Heavy Angst, M/M, Tragedy, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:58:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xantoki/pseuds/xantoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People say white is for purity and life, while black is the complete opposite. Chanyeol has proven to him that love is for everyone, and Baekhyun thinks it goes the same for death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And the Photos were Black and White

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on aff. http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976772/and-the-photos-were-black-and-white-exo-baekyeol-baekyeolangst-chanbaekangst-chanbaek00angst  
> Warning (?): suffering!chanbaek is lyf (well more like suffering!yeol but whatever), implied character death (hints hints hints) aaaand it's like, very very short. You wouldn't understand a single thing.  
> and I wrote this when i was like, thirteen? fourteen? i don't remember exactly, but expect bad grammar and character development. this thing is so rushed. i made small edits on the grammar but that's it. don't expect too much.
> 
> so, well, here you go

  


**The walls are white, and white is for purity**

__

"Hey, Baekhyun..."

__

"Yeah?"

__

"When we become adults, what would be your answer if I asked you to marry me?"

  


  


_Park Chanyeol; 6 years old_

 

"Do we really have to leave?" the young boy turned to his mother with teary eyes and sniffed. "I'll miss my playmates so bad..."

"You don't have to go with us, you know," a girl said nonchalantly, who was slightly taller than the former. "You can stay here if you want. You're all by yourself."

Their mother shushed them and lightly hit the girl in the arm. "Don't be like that, Park Yoora."

"What? I'm not doing anything. I just gave a suggestion."

"That wasn't nice."

The girl rolled her eyes and went inside the car. The boy's mother turned to him and pat him on the head, smiling reassuringly. "It'll be fine, Chanyeol. You can still contact them anyway. Besides, you will be meeting your new playmate soon."

Chanyeol nodded, excitement building up in his systems as the thought of having new friends lingers in his mind.

***

_Byun Baekhyun; 6 years old_

 

"Mom, who are they?" the little boy asked while tugging the loose end of his mother's shirt. He wasn't looking at his mother, though. Baekhyun was literally looking at the strangers in front of him, whom in return, looked at her, too.

Baekhyun felt his mother pat his back and smile. "They are our new neighbors, Hyun, and they wanted to meet you."

Baekhyun's eyes looked puzzled for a moment. Baekhyun's gaze went to the boy in front of him, much taller than he is, smiling at him like an idiot. The boy's ears were a bit large compared to his. But Baekhyun couldn't help but notice how good-looking the boy was, even though he won't admit it.

"This is Park Yura, and well," his mom continued, pointing at the boy he was staring at, "this is Park Chanyeol, your new playmate."

 

And that was the start of everything else between them.

*** 

_Park Chanyeol; 10 years old_

 

"Wow, Chanyeol, you're really good at this!"

 

The said boy smiled at the compliment. It wasn't new that Baekhyun would tell him that he was good at playing video games. In fact, he would tell him that at least 5 times a day. It was probably because Baekhyun had never beat him in any game, not that the brunet wasn't good at it. He was good, but Chanyeol was better.

 

"Ah, let's take a rest!" Chanyeol muttered tiredly, falling back on the mattress. Baekhyun pouted while looking at him and shook his head. Chanyeol looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Why? Aren't you tired?"

"I am," Baekhyun pouted even more, crossing his arms, "but I'm not gonna stop until I beat you."

"Baekhyun, you can never beat me. I assure you." Chanyeol chuckled.

 

Baekhyun insisted, and they played until Baekhyun's mother came to get him— and he was forced to leave without even being close to beating the giant.

***

_Byun Baekhyun; 13 years old_

 

"What's your plan for summer?"

Chanyeol cocked his head to glance over the shorter male and shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe practice for the Championship. I won't go anywhere without you, though."

The said boy chuckled lightly. "Clingy."

Chanyeol snorted.

 

Both of them had grown up to be best friends. They weren't just any normal playmates anymore– heck, they don't even play games anymore. They also knew more about each other more than anyone, even more than their mothers. Baekhyun was more of the studious type, and Chanyeol was more of the sporty type. Baekhyun preferred mango whilst Chanyeol preferred orange. 

Chanyeol, being the athlete, gained new friends and became popular in the school while Baekhyun was just at the side, being the loner. Despite these, Chanyeol never left his side. Even when he saw that Baekhyun was the main target of bullies. Even when he embarrassed himself once by peeing in his pants while singing on stage because of nervousness. Even when his own father left him.

In fact, Chanyeol stood up and acted as if he was his own personal body guard. By the help of his tall built, Chanyeol protected him from the bullies. He defended Baekhyun from the people who mocked his performance. He consoled him when he felt alone.

 

He didn't know what he would do without him.

 

They went to their lockers to get what they needed for the first subject. But before Baekhyun could even close his locker, he saw a group of boys approach Chanyeol in the corner of his eyes. He turned and realized who they were. "Of course," he murmured. "Of course his teammates would be here."

 

After a few exchange of words, Chanyeol walked towards Baekhyun and flashed a shy smile. "Uh, Baek?"

Baekhyun nods, knowing what the other was trying to imply. "Yeah. You can go."

Chanyeol smiles apologetically before walking back to his teammates.

 

Maybe Chanyeol did leave his side after all.

***

_Park Chanyeol; 13 years old_

 

Chanyeol drank half of his water bottle in 2 gulps and let out a heavy sigh. His face was showering with sweat and his Basketball jersey was starting to feel sticky, but he had to practice. Their coach had been exceptionally strict these days, probably because of the upcoming Championship but Chanyeol didn't care.

 

He wanted to go home. He needed to get home.

 

Wiping his sweat with an overused towel, he went to his coach and asked for an early dismissal which was automatically approved. Of course, the coach would dismiss him. He was the best player and he didn't need much training.

Chanyeol walked towards the bench where he put his belongings and put everything in his bag fast. Kris noticed this and raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, easy there. What's with the hurry? Got a date?"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes and scoffed. "No."

Pursing his lips, Kris seemed to realize why he was acting that way and nodded. "I get it. That Byun guy again. Don't you think he's too much of a distraction for you?"

Chanyeol could almost hear the suspicion in his voice but he kept his composure. "Why do you care? Isn't that good news? You can steal the leadership from me if ever it is true."

Kris stayed unfazed. "You like him, don't you?"

Chanyeol stopped for a second but caught himself on time. He turned his back and left the question unanswered.

 

 

Back at his house, he kicked his door open and tossed his bag on the bed. Chanyeol removed his clothes and went inside the bathroom immediately, taking a quick shower before going downstairs to do his breakfast. After he did all of his homework, he glanced at the clock and cursed when he saw the time.

 

10:32 PM.

 

He sneaked around the house, quietly making his way through the door and slipped away without waking his parents up. He walked across the street, towards the Byuns' house and threw a small stone lightly enough not to break Baekhyun's window but it produced a sound loud enough for the other to hear.

He tossed another 3 stones before Baekhyun finally opened the window, his eyebrows furrowed, half-asleep. Chanyeol chuckled at the cuteness, but he wouldn't admit that. Baekhyun's eyes widened when he finally had a good view of the said male. "Why am I seeing your face 10 in the goddamn evening?"

Chanyeol laughed and climbed up to Baekhyun's room, a habit he got used on doing, and Baekhyun couldn't catch up with what was happening.

Either it was just really fast or the smaller was just too sleepy, he didn't have time to think about it.

 

In a split second, Chanyeol was hugging Baekhyun with a smile on his face.

 

 

_Home._

***

_Park Chanyeol; 17 years old_

 

Chanyeol had the worst hand-writing ever.

As can be seen in his notebooks, Chanyeol was never someone with great hand-writing. In fact, he hated even doing the thing. His teachers often nagged him about improving his skills but he had never listened. His books were a wreck. Notebooks had doodles on every corner and pens were always lost and never found (someone probably took it, but that's not exactly the case). At first you'd think he's a preschool kid in a 17 year old body but in fact, he was one of the smartest kids in class.

He hated writing, he hated taking notes.

 

But there he was, lettering Baekhyun's name all over a page on his Research notebook and taking down notes on what he liked about the brunet.

 

He was thinking about Jongin's half-assed tip about his feelings for the other. If Jongin wasn't such an ass he wouldn't be troubled like this, but the mighty lord Oh Sehun agreed with the former and he couldn't help but reflect.

 

"You know what, hyung? I think you're dead in love," Jongin said sincerely. "You've been ditching almost every practice just for your 'friend'. Are you sure you're not gay?"

Chanyeol scoffed. "Don't make fun of me, Jongin."

"Am not," the said man denied. "It's natural, but I think you're overreacting. You don't need to ditch practices just to do midnight escapades with your 'friend', _especially_ when you're not even intimate."

"He's not a friend," Chanyeol retorted and answered with hesitation. "He's... my best friend."

"Ha!" Jongin exclaimed. "It's practically the same and your face says otherwise! Trust me hyung, I've been on the same boat. You _love_ him."

"Sorry dude, but I'm not interested on being a part of your love story with Mr. Do." Chanyeol packs his things and turns to leave, but was stopped when he heard the team's maknae's voice.

"He's right, hyung," Sehun voiced out. "I think you're confused about your feelings. Fix it, then fix yourself."

 

Chanyeol would've ignored the remark, because who was Sehun to tell him that? He was older than him. He knows better.

 

But this time, he felt so inexperienced.

 

 

Maybe he _was_ confused.

***

_Byun Baekhyun; 17 years old_

 

Baekhyun was walking in the corridors beside his second best friend, Xi Luhan, whom he met the first time he enrolled in high school. Luhan was a boy with beautiful eyes and female-like features. They were practically the same, but the difference in height was noticeable. He was 2 years older and much taller than Baekhyun, although Baekhyun wouldn't accept that. Luhan was also popular in their school for being in a relationship with the Basketball Team's maknae, Oh Sehun.

"I don't think he hates you," Luhan says. "He's just hesitating."

Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was avoiding him by all possible means. As far as he knows, he didn't do anything wrong to make the giant angry, or even upset. The hesitation in the taller's eyes also made him suspicious. 

"Hesitating?" Baekhyun repeated through gritted teeth. "About what?"

"About things."

"What 'things'?" Baekhyun asked impatiently. He was definitely pissed off at Chanyeol's constant avoidance, and he wasn't taking any of it.

"Things that I think I have no right to tell you," Luhan said nonchalantly.

"Hyung!" Baekhyun retorted, stomping his foot in annoyance.

"Oh shush," the older one silenced, rolling his eyes. "I'm not telling you anything. You'll find it out soon anyway."

The conversation was cut short when the bell rang, resulting in both boys going in opposite directions to catch up with their next class without any proper goodbyes.

 

When classes were finished, Baekhyun did his usual routine. He copied notes and went to his locker to get his things, but aside from Chanyeol's absence, something unusual happened again.

He opened his locker and a piece of paper suddenly fell down. Baekhyun thought it was another love letter and picked it up, planning to open it later when he gets home.

 

What he didn't expect was the fact that the letter was from Chanyeol.

 

He immediately ran out of his house when he read it, not minding the heavy rain, and went to the place where Chanyeol said he was going to wait.

 

 

_Baekhyun,_

_Meet me after school. You know where._

_-Chanyeol_

***

_Park Chanyeol; 17 years old_

 

It was a rainy day.

Chanyeol was sweating hard, his fingers shaking and his knees trembling. He was nervous, and the thought of confessing made him impossibly more. What if Baekhyun didn't love him back? What if Baekhyun did love him, but not in the way he did? What if Baekhyun rejected him? What if he loses their friendship?

 

What if he loses him?

 

It wasn't long until he saw Baekhyun in the distance, looking like as if he ran to the ends of the Earth just to get there. Chanyeol couldn't think properly so he didn't notice that the smaller was already in front of him.

 

"Chanyeol!"

 

The said man snapped back to his thoughts when he heard the other call him. Baekhyun looked desperate, trying to breathe normally as heavy raindrops fell down his gorgeous face. Chanyeol was immediately alarmed and grabbed the smaller by the waist, covering him from the rain with his umbrella.

"Why didn't you leave with an umbrella? You might get sick!" Chanyeol asked, completely forgetting the nervousness earlier.

"I'm already sick!" Baekhyun barked back, eyes fuming with anger. "I'm sick of you playing games with me! Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? Tell me so I can correct it! Just please, stop staying away from me!"

Chanyeol was taken aback. He didn't predict that Baekhyun would react this way, but he tried to calm the other down by saying, "I... I have something to say."

Baekhyun stopped his rants and looked at Chanyeol. "Then I'd like to hear it."

Chanyeol stepped back and breathed, "I love you."

Baekhyun was startled, but chuckled nervously. "Of course you love me! I love you too! We're best friends!"

 _No..._ Chanyeol thought, closing his eyes, hands clenching tight. _I'm in love with you._

 

"Best friends..." Chanyeol chuckled bitterly. "That's what we've always been, haven't we?"

 

Baekhyun looked at him with confusion. Chanyeol took this as the cue to continue.

 

"Are you really that dense?"

 

Baekhyun gaped. He tried to form a sentence but Chanyeol gave him no chance to voice out. "I love you! I love you, I've told you that so many times before! You always say you love me too..." he held Baekhyun's shoulders and buried his face in his neck, "but not the way I do."

 

Baekhyun looks into Chanyeol's eyes, and there he saw pain. "Chanyeol..."

 

Chanyeol stepped forward, but Baekhyun seemed to have the opposite reaction. The more Chanyeol stepped forward, the more he stepped backward. Eyes looking at the former in shock and disbelief, Baekhyun shook his head, turned his heels and ran away, away from Chanyeol.

 

 

It was a rainy day.

_So this is how heartbreak feels like._

_I'm sorry I couldn't stop myself_

_From falling in love with you._

_I'll do my best_

_To fall out of love_

_Just don't leave me_

_Don't leave me, please._

_-pleasefindthis_

***

_Byun Baekhyun; 18 years old_

 

Baekhyun had spent the rest of the year sulking and finding ways to avoid his former best friend as much as possible. Chanyeol didn't seem to try talking to him, not that he was expecting. His escape was a crystal clear sign that he couldn't accept the taller's love, and he didn't know why he cried every night after that. 

 

Whether it's because he lost a best friend and a lover or because he actually loved him too, he wasn't sure.

 

It was in the middle of summer when Baekhyun finally made up his mind. He couldn't think of any other reason why he felt so empty and hopeless. He was going to talk to the giant, and neither his pride nor his fear that Chanyeol didn't love him anymore wasn't going to stop him from doing so.

***  


_Park Chanyeol; 18 years old_

 

After receiving a text from Baekhyun—which was something he didn't expect—Chanyeol immediately rushed out of his room and went to the park; to the same place where Baekhyun rejected him.

 

And there was the brunet, waiting for him while sitting on a swing.

 

When he finally got near him, the brunet slowly raised his head and stared at Chanyeol. He didn't expect Chanyeol to come, he expected Chanyeol to be angry at him and say mean things to him.

 

But he didn't.

 

"H-Hey," Baekhyun started, sweating nervously. He didn't know it was this hard; if he only knew, he wouldn't have ran away from the giant so rudely before. Or perhaps he still would have, but immediately apologize the next day.

Chanyeol just stared at him, not muttering a single word.

 

"I-I'm sorry..." he gulped and looked down. "I'm sorry I ran away from you that day..."

 

Chanyeol closed his eyes tight. If this was another rejection, he'd rather not hear it. 

 

"I-I just want to say I l-love... y-you... too... i-if you still do..."

 

Chanyeol shot his eyes open and stared at Baekhyun. He wanted to see if he was lying, if he was playing with him. If he was, then he should stop because Chanyeol is foolish enough to believe him, but he saw no signs of lying. 

He lifted the brunet's chin up and stared at him eye-to-eye. He felt tears forming in his eyes but he blinked them back, unlike the brunet he was currently staring at. "Are... Are you telling me the truth? Because if you're not–"

Baekhyun abruptly stood up and kissed him fully on the lips, closing his eyes and holding the taller's cheeks. He needed to tiptoe, but he didn't care. If this was the only way to show how much he loved the taller, then he was more than glad to do it.

 

After a few seconds, Chanyeol found himself kissing the brunet back and smiled in content.

 

Baekhyun was the one to break the kiss. He smiled at the taller which made his heart flutter. "So, does that mean...?"

"Yes, Baekhyun," Chanyeol muttered and pulled the brunet's head close, lips ghosting over the other's, "fucking yes."

 

 

It was 7 in the evening when they decided to go home. Hands intertwined, they talked with each other and smiled like the happiest people in the world. They talked about their studies and those times where they weren't together, sharing frustrating stories about what they did without each other.

 

It was then when fate decided to play again.

 

They were about to cross the lane when Baekhyun's body fell limp and found itself in Chanyeol's arms. Baekhyun's breathing was ragged, which made Chanyeol panic. "Baekhyun? Baekhyun!"

Baekhyun tried to make out words, but all he ever produced was sounds of air flowing in and out of his lungs. Chanyeol carried his lover's body and called a taxi, which the people who realized what was happening helped him do so. He immediately got in and told the driver to go to a nearby hospital.

 

Chanyeol couldn't think properly. All he could do was to cry while calling the smaller's name over and over again.

***

_Byun Baekhyun; 20 years old_

 

It was ARVD.

Baekhyun was sure he was a serial killer in his past life, or a murderous animal, because if he isn't then he wasn't sure why he was this unfortunate. Two years ago, on the day he confessed his love for Chanyeol, on the day Chanyeol accepted him and proved to him that his love was never faltered, was the very same day he was told he was dying.

 

And there was no stopping it.

 

Baekhyun glanced at his side where his mother slept a few moments ago before she went out to buy some food. The white walls of the hospital made him feel more sick than he was. Everything was white. Everything was just beyond his understanding.

 

Why him? Of all people? Why _him_?

 

He was still alive but everything he saw-- the blurry television, the white walls, white sheets, the white pillow he was laying on, the white hospital dress he was wearing-- everything was making him feel dead.

 

That was how he realized how much he hated the color.

 

People said that black was the representation of death, that people wear black on funerals because black is the color of the night, the signature color of "evil", and can imply sorrow, remorse, misfortune, anger, fear, loss and mourning. Black was practically void and empty. It expresses the depths of the unknown, and encourages the imagination of a different world from that of daylight realities.

On the other hand, white is literally a color without color, a mixture of all frequencies of light of the visible spectrum. The color signified purity, innocence, light, and is the complete opposite of black, or darkness. People said that white is often associated with perfection, the good, honesty, cleanliness and neutrality.

 

Baekhyun thinks otherwise.

 

For him, white was the color of death. He could say that based on how it makes him feel now. Death was white-- it was all blurry, mysterious, natural. It was scary, but pure. Death was not all black, but rather whiter than the whitest snow.

 

Death was just blank.

 

His train of thoughts were stopped when he heard the door click and a tall man went in, smiling.

 

Chanyeol.

 

"Oh, hey," the man greeted and walked near him, holding a bouquet of flowers and a basket of fruits. "Flowers for you."

Chanyeol arranged them in the side table, but Baekhyun's eyes were focused on a certain flower.

 

A small, white flower.

 

"How are you feeling?" Chanyeol chirped to ease the tension between them.

Baekhyun closed his eyes and covered them with his free hand. "How am I feeling?" He chuckled humorlessly. "I feel nothing at all."

***

_Park Chanyeol; 21 years old_

 

For a year Chanyeol was stuck on the same old routine. He kept wondering and wondering, if they could ever turn back. He didn't care anymore if they were just friends, all he wanted now was to end the smaller's suffering. 

He couldn't bear to watch how the doctors treated and injected his lover the medicines he needed to still breathe. He wondered how long it could keep his lover up-- perhaps not much longer, and he didn't want that.

While the doctors were checking Baekhyun up, he went to the rooftop and leaned on the railings, feeling the freash air embrace him. He gripped his chest tightly and thought about giving his lover what's inside it instead.

***

_Byun Baekhyun; 21 years old_

 

Baekhyun stared at the white ceiling helplessly, wondering if he could ever stand up and be alive again. He raises his free hand up to the ceiling, as if to touch it, and clutches it as tears start streaming down his face. Baekhyun's cries were heard around the room, pillows and bedsheet getting wet because of his fear.

 

"I don't want to lose," he murmurs between his sobs, "I don't want to lose you."

 

 

Chanyeol entered the room, finding his lover fast asleep. He smiles at how peaceful he looked, but he couldn't help but notice the dry tears marking his lover's face. Chanyeol blinked back a tear and cleaned the smaller's face gently, careful not to wake him up. Chanyeol stares at his face with loving eyes, admiring his features and touching them gently.

Baekhyun soon wakes up when he felt someone watching him. He turns up to find Chanyeol smiling gently, his left hand supporting his own head while his other hand fell back from Baekhyun's ear. 

 

"You're here... again."

 

He murmured the last word. Chanyeol nodded and pursed his lips, handing Baekhyun the food that the nurse gave earlier. "Come on, eat."

"I'm not hungry..."

"But you need to eat this," Chanyeol reasoned out, holding the spoon near the smaller's mouth. This made Baekhyun angry and instead of taking the food in, he growled.

"Right," Baekhyun hissed, eyebrows furrowing. "I need to eat this! I need to eat that! I need to drink this and that! I shouldn't do this because it will be bad for me, I shouldn't do that because I can't!"

Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun with his mouth agape, lowering the spoon to the plate. This was the first time that Baekhyun snapped, and it pained him so much. It pained him so much because he saw how tired his lover is, and he was scared that he might give up any second and leave him.

"I thought I was already done... that I was already cured..." Baekhyun laughed bitterly. "Turns out that I'm really dying, huh?"

***

Park Chanyeol; 22 years old

 

It turned out that Baekhyun already had the disease when he was five.

Chanyeol didn't know what could've pained him more; the thought of Baekhyun suffering at an early age or Baekhyun never telling him he had it. Perhaps both, but he thought more about how Baekhyun felt when he was told he was cured, only to find out that the disease never left him at all. Or maybe it did, but came back? He didn't know, he didn't want to know how it worked either.

 

Chanyeol had sworn to himself that he'll be the happy virus that everyone liked. That he'll be the one to make people happy. That he'll be the one to spread happiness in the world. That he'll be the one to comfort depressed people and convince them that there's more to life than what meets the eye.

 

But he isn't sure how to do that when he himself isn't happy anymore.

 

He had never left the hospital except when he needs to buy his own food, or fruits that he knew Baekhyun liked. He had never complained about always being the one looking for Baekhyun-- in fact, he was more than glad to do so. He had never complained when he felt lonely watching over Baekhyun, who sleeps whole day. He didn't complain when he didn't have anyone to talk to. He didn't complain when Baekhyun's own mother left without a word and he had to pay the hospital bills by his own money.

 

When it comes to Baekhyun, he'll never complain.

 

He watched the line from the electrocardiogram machine go up and down. He saw how the slope of the line got less and less steep, he went out of the room and called for a doctor.

 

 

 

Inside the room, where the doctor and some nurses were, shouts of "Clear!" were heard 7 times before the line went dead straight.

 

 

 

 

Later that night, Chanyeol cried his heart out for the first time in 15 years.

***

_Park Chanyeol; 25 years old_

 

_Reaching out, I'm reaching out to you_

_When will you come back to me?_

_You promised, I promised_

_We promised with fingers intertwined_

_I stayed by your side when you were at your worst_

_Can I get the same back in return?_

_Can you hear me? Can you hear me?_

_Take me with you._

_I'm keeping my promise._

_If I can't be with you, just let me love you until we meet again._

 

Chanyeol went out of the office early in the afternoon, glancing at his watch time to time while exiting the building. Some employees greeted him on the way and he answered them with a smile. He asked for his car in the valet and it was given to him a few moments later.

The employees wondered why their boss was always going out at this time in the afternoon, everyday. Some guessed that he needed to fetch his secret girlfriend, some guessed that he had some secret gang or mafia. Others say he goes to a bar to catch a woman to spend every night with.

 

But none of them guessed that he was always going to the cemetery.

 

Chanyeol looked around the place and felt the warm breeze touch him. The sun was about to set. He walked towards a certain grave at the middle of the field and smiled thoughtfully. Chanyeol knelt down and brushed off the dirt that was covering the name on the memorial stone he hated the most. Byun Baekhyun. He put the flowers just right above it, none of which was white. "Flowers for you."

Chanyeol wished for a miracle. He imagined living with Baekhyun in the same house, Baekhyun taking care of their kids and him coming home from work, their kids running up to him and kissing his cheeks, with Baekhyun watching from the distance while smiling.

 

He just wanted to love him for the rest of his life, how can a stupid disease stop him from doing so?

 

_If I can't be with you, just let me love you until we meet again._

_-pleasefindthis_

***

_Park Chanyeol; 26 years old_

 

Chanyeol looked at the sharp razor and a few drugs he held in his hands. His hair was dripping wet and his breathing was ragged, resulting from the tantrum he subconsciously did earlier. He tugged his hair harshly in anger and screamed in pain. A new batch of tears streamed down his face while he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

 

Soon, the mirror cracked and a few shards fell down the white tiles of the bathroom.

 

Chanyeol pulled his clutched hand back, hissing when he saw blood flowing and came falling down the tiles, joining the broken mirror shards. He felt no pain coming from the part, as the pain from his heart was already ineffable. 

Sobs echoed inside the bathroom, the dripping of water was almost inaudible. His grip on the sink tightening, he looked at the cabinet where the rest of the drugs were put unorganized.

 

He couldn't take it anymore.

 

 

The blood on the white floor rippled, symbolizing the love and life they once had.

 

_Will I ever be happy again_

_Or am I destined to live my life in sorrow?_

_I miss you._

_So, so much I can't take it anymore._

_-pleasefindthis_

***

_Park Chanyeol; 7 years old_

 

"Hey, Baekhyun..."

"Yeah?"

"When we become adults, what would be your answer if I asked you to marry me?"

"Are you serious, Park? We're in the same gender."

"Does that even matter? I just need your answer."

"Of course, you idiot. Let's live a life of playing together, okay?"

 

Two boys were then seen walking with each other, pinky fingers intertwined, symbolizing the promise that neither of them knew was meant to be broken.

***

"Mom, look at these photos!" a kid exclaimed while holding a few worn out pictures and showed it to his mother. "They're colorless!"

The mother chuckled lightly and stroked the boy's hair. "Honey, it's called black and white."

"Why can't they just call it gray," the kid asked rhetorically. "They look better than colored though."

"Well, if that's what you like."

"The kids in the photos look great. Too bad the photos are already worn out," the kid said disappointingly. 

"Of course. It's already old."

"Is that so?" the kid said, slightly amused. "Does that mean they're already dead?"

The lady paused. "Unfortunately..."

"Then why are these still here?"

The kid looked at the pictures again and flipped it around, all the back pages labeled with hearts and the initials B and C, most labeled with _Summer 1999_. But what took his attention was the thoughts that were written on the top right corner, formatted with a "-pleasefindthis" at the end. Each photo contained a different thought. As he looks through the photos, he notices that the hand-writing becomes more and more sloppy than before. 

His mother carefully took the photos from the boy's hands and put it back in the drawer where the boy apparently took it from. She turned to the boy and said,

 

"They're there because they had to be, my child," she said with a smile on her face. "They really had to be."

 


End file.
